Christopher Schmidt a.k.a.Vodka Guy is back as our Spirits Guest Contributor and today Christopher shares a few tongue-in-cheek insights and recipes with his timely Tax Day survival guide. Click here to read Christopher’s first guest post on South Florida Food and Wine.
Procrastination is a universal human condition. From your first book report, to that Living Trust you keep meaning to get to, it is in our nature to put off those things we deem unpleasant. This helps explain, without excusing, mind you, why the tax deadline finds so many unprepared.
In case you are unaware, it’s tax time. And while we can’t help you file, we offer the following time-sensitive drink recipes to help take the sting out of this disagreeable American pastime.
Expecting a refund? Good for you (no one likes you). Celebrate your windfall, and withholding acumen, with the 1040EZ Martini
2 oz Square One Organic Vodka (spoil yourself, you can afford it)
2 oz Sparkling White Wine
1 oz Strawberry Puree
Chill and mix vodka and puree in a shaker with ice. Pour into martini glass. Add sparkling wine. Despite our predilection, vigorous shaking is not necessary. Sparkling wine lends its own stirring influence. You may, however, wave your slide rule in the air in a celebratory fashion if you wish.
For those who owe this (every) year, we offer the 1040OH-NO:
6 oz Russian Standard Vodka
2-3 Creative Deductions
Enjoy Russian Standard over ice, or chill and pour into a martini glass. Russian Standard is excellent, inexpensive and a reasonable nose-thumbing at the US’s tax system. While shopping for Russian Standard be on the lookout for anyone buying Square One. You may be able to talk them into a low-interest loan for a fellow taxpayer.
And for any planning to file for an extension, the 1040LA-Z:
1 bottle vodka (doesn’t matter which)
Grab bottle firmly by the neck, and hold next to head. Rap yourself firmly, but not violently, on the head, and get your taxes done. For goodness sake, your W-2′s started arriving months ago. Procrastination is one thing, but for an extension, you are actually paying for your laziness.
Enjoy this? Why not give the Vodka Guy a look-see.
This article was originally published on examiner in 2010 by Christopher Schmidt.